


(Maybe we can Lie) Because the Truth is Hard to Swallow

by a1_kitkat



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Gay Bashing, High School, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Secret Relationship, Starts in High School then the Lost Decade and to Now, Strained Friendships, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:48:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22610518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: Kyle and Alex form an unlikely bond when Alex shows up on his doorstep late one night looking for help. Their strained friendship continues on rocky ground until Kyle learns a truth the friendship may never recover from.*read the notes at the end first if you're still unsure*
Relationships: Alex Manes & Kyle Valenti, Alex Manes/Jim Valenti
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18
Collections: Alex Manes & Jim Valenti





	(Maybe we can Lie) Because the Truth is Hard to Swallow

It was late; very late yet the moon was barely visible through the clouds. He waited until he was absolutely certain his father was asleep before checking and rechecking the time on his phone. Alex opened the last text message he’d received and his heart skipped a beat.

For the past month he’d been texting with a boy from school, someone who’d wished to remain anonymous from fear of facing the same torment and ridicule Alex was exposed to on a daily basis. He didn’t know who the mystery boy was, yet, but they’d started communicating via instant messaging in the school library before each buying a prepaid sim card in order to text in secret. 

Tonight they would meet for the first time and Alex was secretly terrified. He’d never done anything like this before and still wasn’t sure it was the best idea. He remembered the day the first message had come through and his reluctance to even engage; his own messages had been short and simple to not give anything away. He’d later told his one confidant who’d immediately encouraged him to pursue a friendship.

Alex had done his best to put them off, even spouting lies about himself and what he was in to in the hopes they’d give up. When that didn’t happen, he realized that maybe this mystery messenger might actually be interested in him. When he told him that he preferred blondes, the messenger told him he had blonde hair. When he went so far to say he only liked older men, the guy had pretended to be a teacher. That comment threw him for a bit as it was wildly inappropriate but the tone shifted until his mystery man told him that he really liked him and would be whoever Alex wanted him to be if it meant they could be together.

Alex wasn’t exactly inexperienced but he was nervous as he quietly opened his window and scrambled over the sill. He dropped to the ground and eased the window closed behind him. If Jesse awoke and came looking for him, he’d likely assume he was out in the tool shed but he didn’t want his father to catch him right now and stop him from being able to go. The mere idea of meeting his mystery boy was enough to cause butterflies to form in his stomach.

His heart was racing and he thought back over the texts he’d been receiving. Was it possible to be in love with someone he’d never met? Had they  _ already _ met? This boy went to his school and knew who he was, should he have figured for himself his identity yet? Would the boy be upset that Alex  _ hadn’t  _ figured it out?

He paused to consider what he’d do if his mystery suitor  _ really was  _ a teacher. He’d be taking a big risk if he was, clearly trusted Alex not to say anything...

He stuck to the back streets as he hightailed it across town. They had agreed to meet behind the public library to reduce the risk of being caught. Alex had suggested meeting at the tool shed behind his place but quickly realized that wouldn’t have been smart; he didn’t want to imagine what would happen if his father caught him with a boy (or a man) in the tool shed.

Alex tried to remain calm but his hands were already sweating as he reached the main street. There were very few people on the road this late at night which was reassuring. He didn’t want his mystery boy to get startled and run away before they could ever meet.

Not for the first time he started to fantasise about who it could be or who he  _ hoped _ it would be. Max Evans was a no-no because he was way too hung up on Liz Ortecho. Alex  _ may  _ have briefly imagined what kissing Max would be like but he’d ended up laughing about it. Poor Liz had no idea how madly in love with her Max was.

His other hopeful potential suitor was also an impossible probability. Kyle Valenti… the guy was a jerk, a jock and a bully but Alex had been in love with him for as long as he could remember. Once he’d accepted his sexuality, he’d quickly realized why he felt the way he did about Kyle. But there was simply no way a guy who was  _ that  _ vocal in his disgust of Alex’s sexuality was queer himself.

Then there was Michael Guerin; the foster kid who’d stolen his guitar and was now maybe using Alex’s safe refuge of the tool shed as a refuge of his own. Alex hadn’t gone to investigate but he was pretty sure he’d seen Michael’s truck parked near his house recently. Michael was hard to read but it wasn’t like they’d never had a conversation; if he was the mystery boy then Alex likely would’ve figured it out by now or Michael would’ve come clean. He had no reason to stay anonymous this long.

He wondered if it could possibly be the quiet redheaded boy who’d only moved to town earlier this year. He didn’t appear to have any friends but his face was always buried in a book. Alex couldn’t even remember his name but he did know he had a nice smile.

Then there was the possibility of him  _ really  _ being a teacher. Could it be Mr. Ward, the music teacher? Alex spent a lot of time with the man and was sure they’d had a moment once when the man had reached a hand out to help Alex with a guitar. When Mr Ward’s fingers had touched Alex’s skin, he felt a jolt through his entire body. His crush on Mr. Ward was as strong as his one on Kyle...

Neither of which compared to who he really wanted...

Alex pulled his jacket around himself, sighing as he hadn’t realized just how many attractive men there were in Roswell. He hurried across the road, around the side of the building then moved down the alley and into the secluded fire exit of the library. It wasn’t very well lit back here. Alex could hear the thumping of his own heart as he sank down on the step and pulled out his phone. He was seven minutes early.

Should he text Liz or Maria and tell them where he was? No, they had enough to worry about right now. Mimi hadn’t been well so Maria’s plate was full and Liz was stuck between her sister and her father. Hopefully he could tell them all about it in the morning… if his mystery boy ever showed.

He kept checking his phone even though he wasn’t expecting any messages. There was nothing about him not coming or running late not that Alex had texted that he was here already. Should he text him that? No, he truly believed his mystery boy would show. He could feel it in his stomach, the way the butterflies danced…

Alex was nervous and kept anxiously tapping his foot. He didn’t know what he was going to say when they were finally face to face. Would they hold hands? Would they kiss? His heart skipped a beat. His first attempt to kiss someone had ended rather embarrassingly and Alex still cringed at the memory.

He put his phone away then shoved his hands in his pockets before getting to his feet. He began to nervously pace the area. The alley wasn’t very wide but it was long and dark.  Maybe this had been a mistake? He understood the need to be secretive and not get caught but it didn’t feel very safe standing here alone in the dark. Maybe his suitor  _ really was a teacher _ ?

Alex drew a deep breath and checked the time.

He was twelve minutes late. Tears began to swell in his eyes. He should’ve known this would happen, that he’d be stood up. His mystery boy or man obviously believing Alex not worth the risk… For someone who’d tried not to get suckered in, he was now the one sitting alone in the dark waiting for someone who clearly wasn’t coming.

He heard a car door slam and leapt back to brace against the wall. His heart immediately began to pound.

“Alex?”

The voice wasn’t overly loud but he felt himself relax even though he couldn’t quite place it. Footsteps drew closer and Alex’s palms began to sweat as he realized this was  _ actually  _ happening.

“Alex?” 

The voice called to him again. He moved off the wall and started towards it but all he could see was the outline of the boy in the dark.

“You came” Alex heard the relief in his own voice.

“Yeah” the boy replied. “We did”

‘We?’ Alex’s heart dropped into his stomach and he took a step back. He cast his gaze around and heard multiple sets of footsteps approaching from both ends of the alley. He was trapped!

He turned to flee but there were silhouettes all around him. His fight or flight instinct kicked in but one of the new arrivals turned a flashlight into Alex’s eyes and the brightness blinded him enough for them to take him without a fight.

A kick to the knee and he went down hard. Two sets of arms grasped his so he couldn’t pull away. The flashlight was still pointed in his eyes so he couldn’t see who any of them were but their laughter made him feel sick.

“I can’t believe you fell for it,” one of them laughed at him.

Tears stung his eyes but he told himself it was the bright beam of the flashlight.

“ _ You’re so brave” _ the one on his left said in a mocking laugh and Alex felt sick. The words of a comforting text now mocked him. “ _ I could never bear that kind of torment _ ”

Alex didn’t know how many of them were there but he knew he’d never be able to take them all. One pulled out a phone and Alex swallowed.

“ _ They’re just a bunch of idiots with really small dicks”  _ he read Alex’s response in the same tone. “ _ I’ve seen them in the locker room and they ain’t anything to brag about” _

He closed his eyes; it had been a joke, he’d been attempting to flirt. He’d never dared look at  _ any  _ of them in the locker room… like they had anything he wanted anyway.

“You been spying on us, fag?”

Alex shook his head.

“It was a joke,” he replied.

The boy holding the phone moved closer and kicked Alex in the stomach. The entire group laughed hysterically.

“So was that” he hissed “hilarious”

They all laughed again.

“Get him up”

Alex was pulled to his feet; he knew he should try to break free and run away but he was outnumbered. The smart option was to conserve his strength and wait for the opportune moment.

The knots in his stomach grew as the boy with the phone read each of his texts back to him. The things he’d said to the mystery boy had turned personal and having them thrown back in his face in a mocking voice made him feel sick. He tried to tune the voice, the taunts and laughter out but it wasn’t easy. 

Alex blinked back the tears. He hated himself for being so desperate, so gullible, so vulnerable. He’d opened himself up to this, brought it upon himself. Had listened to  _ his  _ advice and now he was about to pay for it.

“Stop” Alex whispered. “Please?” The group laughed again. “You’ve proved your point and made a fool out of me-”

“And now we’re going to teach you a lesson”

**-**

It was still dark when Alex managed to pull himself from the dumpster they’d thrown him in. He dropped to the ground and winced in pain as he landed hard on the asphalt. Every inch of his body  _ hurt _ ; all he could do was sit on the ground, leaning against the dumpster to attempt to regain his breath and his bearings.

His arm hurt, his leg hurt, his stomach hurt. There wasn’t a single part of him that didn’t ache. He pulled himself to his feet, grasping the dumpster to steady himself.

He couldn’t go home, not like this, nor did he think he had it in him to make it that far. He took a step and winced but knew he needed to work through the pain. Alex started towards the Crashdown and paused outside, he could see Rosa and Arturo arguing in the closed cafe and he turned to leave. The last thing they needed was him interrupting.

Alex walked about a block then collapsed against a low wall. He didn’t know where to go, tears stung his eyes as he tried not to think about what had happened. He had to be logical and think clearly. He needed a safe place to go, somewhere he could get help. He drew a breath and started down the street. He knew Jim would help him, wouldn’t believe it unless he saw with his own eyes. He’d ask questions and Alex would tell  _ him _ the truth.

He was relieved when he finally reached the street where the Valenti’s lived. Given what had just happened, he could only assume Kyle wasn’t home since he’s obviously been with his friends and had allowed this to happen. It was highly likely Kyle had been the ringleader here but it was strange that he hadn’t wanted the credit. He closed his eyes to catch his breath and thought for a moment. He’d recognized some of the voices but none of them had belonged to Kyle. A part of him hoped Kyle hadn’t been involved, he didn’t want to rat him out to his father.

Alex moved down the street and wasn’t surprised to find all the lights off. He reached into his pocket, forgetting the jocks had taken his phone from him. He found his keys and unlocked the front door, quietly made his way inside. Alex hadn’t wanted to knock as he figured no one would’ve heard him… besides, Jim had told him he was welcome in his home day or night. He remembered a time long ago when Jim had pressed the key into his hand and told him if Jesse went too far he could come to him.

He quietly closed the door behind him then made his way through the house and into the kitchen. Alex sank to the ground and leaned against the cabinet. He cried out then clamped his mouth shut. He didn’t want Jim or Michelle to hear him just yet. All he needed was some ice then he could sleep it off on the couch and talk to Jim in the morning.

Alex pulled himself to his feet, opened the freezer and felt around in the dark for the ice cube tray. He removed it from the freezer and promptly dropped it, sending ice cubes all over the floor. He groaned and sank to his knees again, sobbing in pain.

He closed his eyes and lie on the floor, unable to move. He hoped Jim hadn’t heard and wouldn’t come running with his gun and shoot him for breaking and entering… even if technically he did possess a key. The tiles were hard and uncomfortable but at least the room had stopped spinning or had it?

##########

Kyle was a light sleeper so he awoke at the sound of the front door closing. He lay in bed and listened for the familiar sounds of his father’s boots on the tiles but frowned to himself when he didn’t hear them. Kyle counted to thirty while he waited. His father  _ always  _ checked on him when he got home, Kyle used to wait up for him but tonight his father had told him he’d be out all night. His mother was away, visiting her sister, so who was this mystery visitor?

He quietly slipped out of bed and opened his bedroom door in time to hear a loud sound from the kitchen. Had his father come home early? And drunk?

No, his father was sober now… unless he’d indulged because Kyle’s mother was out of town.

Kyle reached for anything that could be used as a weapon in case it  _ wasn’t  _ his father. He picked up a lacrosse stick and very quietly made his way into the hall. He heard a low groan.

Grasping the stick in both hands, he silently hoped whoever it was wasn’t armed. Perhaps a homeless person had broken in and was rummaging for food?

He raised the stick over his head as he reached for the light switch and flicked it on. The brightness of the light blinded him briefly but his eyes eventually focused on the crumbled figure in the corner. On the floor was an empty tray and a spray of ice cubes was across the tiles.

Kyle heard the person hiss at the bright light and he paused when he realized that not only was the figure hurt but it was…

“Manes?” Kyle gasped.

He dropped the stick and hurried over to him, dropping to his knees, he reached out a hand but Alex hissed and pulled away, keeping his face covered and hidden from Kyle.

“Alex?” He whispered.

“No” Alex sobbed. “Jim… I… I was looking for your dad”

Kyle’s heart sank. Alex was a mess and he didn’t want Kyle to see.

“He’s at work; pulling an all-nighter” Kyle told him.

“Your mother?”

“Out of town”

Alex let out another sob. Kyle collected himself and reached out, his own hand was shaking as he placed it upon Alex’s shoulder. His childhood best friend whimpered and pulled away. Kyle steeled himself and tried again.  He moved so he was sitting in front of Alex then reached over once more. Kyle placed his hand on Alex’s chin and very, very gently tilted his face to look at him so he could assess the damage.

The fear in Alex’s eyes was heartbreaking as were the tears. Kyle softly brushed his thumb across Alex’s swollen lip to wipe away a streak of blood. He looked down at his thumb and his hand began to tremble at Alex’s blood on his skin. He didn’t say a word he stared, fixated, until he turned and saw the nervous fear on Alex’s face.

Kyle stared into Alex’s tear-filled eyes. His hand closed into a fist as he tried to control his anger.

“Who did this to you?” Kyle asked through gritted teeth. Alex simply shook his head and looked away.

“M… Alex” Kyle started again. “Tell me  _ everything _ ”

“I can’t” Alex whispered. “I just… I can’t let my dad see me like this” he hurried to explain “Jim… your dad said I was always welcome here and gave me a key, years ago… I… I just want to stay on your couch”

Kyle got to his feet, moved to a drawer and pulled out a cloth. He collected up the discarded ice cubes and wrapped them in the cloth before holding it against Alex’s swollen lip.

Seeing Alex like this hurt. Sure, they weren’t close anymore, hadn’t been in a long time, and Kyle had taken to teasing and bullying him but aside from that one incident recently at prom, their disagreements had never been physical or violent. He couldn’t comprehend what had happened to Alex tonight.

“Please, Kyle,” Alex whispered. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Only if you tell me what happened” Kyle replied.

It was clear that Alex didn’t want to but Kyle did genuinely want to know.

“Like  _ you  _ don’t know” Alex murmured as he averted his gaze.

“Alex?”

“You weren’t just at the library?”

“No; that closed hours ago and when was the last time you saw me set foot in a library outside of school?”

He watched as Alex appeared to mull these words over yet he still didn’t seem quite convinced. Kyle wanted to grab him and shake him, demand answers.

“Alex, you break into my house in the middle of the night looking like you just crawled from your own grave… and smelling like it too but you won’t tell me what happened, who did it or why?” Kyle pressed. “Were  _ you  _ at the library?”

“Yeah, I was… meeting a friend”

“And  _ they  _ did this to you? God, they’re an even shittier friend than _ I am _ ”

Alex winced in pain as he tried to sit up.

“I  _ thought  _ I was meeting a friend” Alex said, almost sadly, “but I was... wrong”

“Were you trying to… hook up with someone?” Kyle asked incredulously.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting Alex to say but was surprised just the same when he began to quietly sob.

“Were you meeting some guy and  _ he  _ did this?” Kyle felt sick to the stomach “did he try to  _ force _ you to-?”

“No!” Alex hissed in embarrassment.

“Alex, please? I know I’m not my dad but you  _ can  _ talk to me”

“I was… hoodwinked” Alex confessed. “About a month ago, during a free period someone started sending me anonymous messages on a school computer and we got to talking… a lot… I was quite taken with him and I told him so much that I never told anyone else… even though I had no idea who he was… but he knew all the right things to say to get me to open up”

“And... he used it against you?” Kyle felt his heart drop into his stomach. No! This couldn’t be happening!

Alex closed his eyes and lowered his head in shame.

“Yeah” he agreed “they did”

“Alex-” Kyle started but was cut off.

“We arranged to meet tonight but he told me he was scared of being ‘out’ so we had to meet in secret, somewhere secluded…” he paused at the memory as tears filled his eyes again “but he didn’t come alone”

Kyle felt his stomach drop again. Sure he could see for himself the damage that had been done but hearing it from Alex made it worse.

He started to reach out but stopped himself. Kyle wanted to believe Alex was lying, was making this up but he knew he wasn’t. 

“Who was it, Alex?” Kyle asked him. “You said it was someone from school?”

“It had to be” Alex replied “the first messages came through at school”

“Didn’t you see who it was?” Kyle pressed further. He  _ needed  _ answers.

“It was dark” Alex feebly said. 

He  _ knew  _ Alex was keeping something from him.

“Alex? Come on” he pressed. “Just tell me who it was… you  _ were  _ going to tell my dad, weren’t you?”

“No; I was just going to say I got jumped in the street”

“You smell like garbage”

“They threw me in a dumpster”

“ _ What _ ?”

“After they beat me and stole my phone, they threw me into the dumpster”

“You need to shower” Kyle said to him.

Kyle got to his feet and held a hand out to Alex to help him up. He could see how much pain Alex was in as he helped him to the bathroom. 

“I uh I’ll find you something to change into” Kyle quickly turned and left the room. He felt his stomach churning as he rummaged about for a change of clothes. When he returned, Alex was still sitting on the edge of the bathtub. He held up one of his dad’s shirts and a pair of his own pants, placed them on the cabinet then left to make him a warm drink.

He waited until he heard the shower turn off before he put the water on to boil. His own hands shaking the entire time as he forced back tears. By the time Alex reappeared, Kyle nervously held out a cup of cocoa for him. Alex’s hand was shaking as he took the mug and sank down at the kitchen table.

“Are you okay?” Kyle asked him.

“I don’t think I smell anymore” Alex replied.

“You uh you’re bruised pretty bad”

“It hurts to move and breathe”

“Should I uh do you want to see a doctor?”

“No!”

Kyle frowned at how quickly Alex shot his suggestion down.

“Alex-” he started. “You’re  _ really _ hurt”

“I’m fine” Alex’s voice shook as he clutched the cup of warm cocoa in both hands. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had made him cocoa though thinking about it, it likely had been Kyle… years ago…

“M… Alex, please? Can you at least-”

“What? Can I what?”

He was sure Alex didn’t mean to sound defensive but his curt tone was harsh.

“At least let me look at you” Kyle finished “if you won’t see a doctor then at  _ least  _ let me try to help. You came here looking for my dad and if he was here right now, it’s what he would do”

###########

Alex fixed his gaze upon Kyle. He genuinely appeared worried about him and Alex wasn’t sure how to feel or react to that. Kyle had spent the past few years teasing and taunting him every chance he got… but  _ now  _ he was concerned about him? Out of guilt, maybe?

He didn’t think Kyle was actor material but he was doing a great job of pretending not to know what his friends had done tonight. Was there a chance he really was that oblivious?

“You want to… what?” Alex stammered.

“Uh… examine you” Kyle replied. “Like… like a doctor would”

“You’re not a doctor”

“Yet”

Alex took pause. Kyle had wanted to be a Doctor for as long as he could remember but he didn’t have  _ any  _ training, he was simply a high school bully.  _ His  _ bully.

“Alex, please?” Kyle whispered “we need to be sure you don’t have any internal injuries”

It was late; Alex was tired and in pain. He just wanted to go to sleep and maybe just letting Kyle do what he wanted would shut him up quicker… but he was terrified at the idea of Kyle touching him, looking at him, checking on him.

He wished Jim were here or even Michelle, anyone who wasn’t Kyle. Of course a part of him  _ trusted  _ Kyle not to hurt him but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Kyle knew more than he was letting on.

“Ji... Won’t your dad be home soon?” Alex asked, hopefully.

“I told you, he’ll be out all night” Kyle replied, “look, you need help and you came here but I’m the only one here so either let me help or let me call a Doctor”

He knew Kyle would do it too. If Kyle felt that was the best option, no amount of arguing would convince him otherwise so Alex very reluctantly agreed but stated he wanted to finish his cocoa first.

The second the last sip was in his mouth, Kyle was urging him to his feet and guiding him from the room. He almost panicked when he thought Kyle was taking him to his bedroom but they turned into the guestroom and Kyle helped him to sit on the bed.

Alex’s body was trembling as Kyle reached for the hem of his shirt and he instinctively flinched away. Kyle quickly retracted his hand.

“I’m sorry” Alex murmured.

“You don’t trust me” Kyle’s voice shook. “You could be really hurt and if my dad was here, he’d check you over”

Kyle reached out as he spoke but Alex instantly panicked and shoved him away, glaring at him with pure venom in his eyes.

“Well you’re  _ not your dad _ !” Alex hissed as he wrapped his arms around himself.

“Alex, what if something’s broken?” Kyle asked.

“The only thing broken here is my heart” Alex grimaced when he realized he’d said that aloud.

He opened his eyes and could almost see the pity radiating from Kyle. Pity and something else, something he couldn’t quite read.

“You…” Kyle spoke very slowly “actually liked him?”

“I guess” Alex finally stopped clinging to himself, his fingers curling around the hem of the oversized shirt Kyle had given him “or the idea of him anyway… I was stupid to say so much to a stranger”

“Alex, you truly believed it was a boy from school and that he liked you”

“Exactly; how desperate and pathetic am I?”

“Can I ask?” Kyle started to say. “Who did you want it to be?”

“What?”

Alex looked up at Kyle who wasn’t looking at him but picking at his cuticle instead.

“Well you must have wondered and” Kyle blushed “a part of you must’ve daydreamed about possibilities...”

Kyle’s eyes finally met Alex’s gaze.

“You promise you won’t laugh?” Alex eventually said to him. Kyle raised his hand and made a silent motion of crossing his heart.

“Max Evans” he whispered.

Kyle tossed his head back and roared with laughter, his entire body shaking as Alex ducked his head to hide his embarrassment; his cheeks flushed. He inhaled the scent on the shirt. It was comforting, like Jim was here with them.

“I’m sorry!” Kyle was still chuckling to himself. “But… Evans?  _ Really _ ?”

Alex kept his head bowed. Of course he hadn’t been going to tell Kyle the  _ truth  _ but he’d really hoped he wouldn’t have laughed at him especially after crossing his heart in a promise not to.

“You  _ wanted  _ it to be  _ Max Evans _ ?” Kyle continued.

“I… It was more the tone of his messages” Alex said feebly. “He and I used to spend a lot of time together, studying… He helped me when Liz couldn’t and… I just… he’s so guarded. I always felt like he was made up entirely of secrets and maybe he oversold his crush on Liz to cover the truth”

“You think Evans is gay?”

“No” Alex confessed “but I uh wouldn’t have been disappointed if it  _ had  _ been him”

“So who was it?” Kyle pressed again. “Who did this to you, Manes?”

“Why do you even care?” Alex asked.

Alex looked up and saw tears in Kyle’s eyes. He was genuinely shocked to see that level of emotion from his childhood friend. Alex started to reach for his hand but Kyle pulled away so fast that he fell off the bed. He didn’t even attempt to get back up. Alex frowned.

“Be honest, please?” Kyle stared at the floor. “Was it Sanchez and Parker?”

Alex’s entire body froze as Kyle said the names of the two voices he’d recognized; the ones who’d read his messages back to him in the cruel mocking tones. He curled his hand into a fist, clinging to the cuff of the shirt.

“Why do you think it was them?” Alex asked him.

Kyle kept his face averted, staring down at the ground, unable to look up at Alex. Tears were still brimming in his eyes. Alex could see them dripping onto the carpet as Kyle refused to wipe them away.

“Why do you think it was them?” Alex asked again with more anger in his voice, teeth gritted. Had he been right all along? Had Kyle been there too and just spent all this time acting like he hadn’t?

“Because…” Kyle swallowed. “Because they’re the ones who caught me”

“Caught you?” Alex frowned.

“They’re the ones who caught me sending messages to you in the school library”

##########

He couldn’t stand to look at Alex as the guilt festered inside of him. Kyle stared down at the carpet unable to see through his tears as he waited for a reaction from Alex, for him to lash out either physically or verbally but it never came.

When he finally, slowly, looked up and blinked his tears away, Alex was just staring at him. For a moment he wondered if maybe Alex hadn’t heard him. He needed to explain himself and quickly.

“Alex, I can explain” he started as he started to reach for him but Alex scrambled away; making sure the bed was between them and Kyle couldn’t get any closer. He cried out in pain but held his position.

“You can explain?” Alex gasped. “Explain how you  _ humiliated  _ me?”

“Alex, I swear, I never wanted that” Kyle insisted “I didn’t even want to do it in the first place”

“So why did you?”

“Just, tell me… was it them?”

“Not  _ just  _ them but yeah they were there”

Kyle watched as Alex wrapped his arms around himself. He looked so small in the oversized shirt; lip still swollen and a bruise already forming on his cheek. Kyle wouldn’t wish that kind of beating on anyone, not even someone like Alex.

“I promise I was just trying to do a good thing” Kyle explained. “That day I messaged you in the library, you just looked really sad and my dad said you were going through some stuff… So I just wanted to make you smile, like you used to before…” he paused. “Remember I commented about the weather?”

Alex finally met his gaze and slowly nodded his head. 

“I  _ always  _ mentioned the weather,” Kyle said. “It was my thing… I’d try to engage and you wouldn’t bite so I talked about the weather”

“It was raining that day” Alex replied “you hoped it would stop before days end because you...”

“Didn’t want my hair to get wet” Kyle finished.

Kyle watched as Alex sank onto the bed but he stayed put, knowing Alex didn’t want him to come any closer. His own hands were shaking.

“It was only a couple of times” Kyle assured him “and  _ every time _ I mentioned the weather first… My dad said I was doing a good thing and-”

“Your dad  _ knew _ ?”

“It was his idea! I swear, I didn’t want to do it but dad said you needed the boost” he paused “and he offered to pay me”

Seeing the tears in Alex’s eyes was almost too much but Kyle didn’t turn away. He could see how badly he’d hurt him.

“Two days before Prom, Sanchez and Parker caught me” Kyle explained. “They started making fun, calling me… names… and I told them the truth but they didn’t believe me. They started teasing me, thinking I genuinely liked you in that way so I had to prove it to them… I stopped messaging you  _ and  _ I came after you at Prom. It's why I said the things I did” he paused “and it cost me my relationship with Liz”

“Did you tell  _ her  _ the truth? That your dad paid you to humiliate me”

“No; I haven’t told anyone and I swear, it was  _ never  _ my intention to embarrass you. Honestly the plan was to keep the ruse up until graduation… just so you’d have a friend out there… but I’m telling you, the last message I sent was before Prom”

Alex sighed and closed his eyes.

“I did think it odd the screen name changed” he stated “but he said it was that he almost got caught; that messaging on the school computer was too risky and that’s when we switched to texting. We both got sim cards so we wouldn’t have to exchange real numbers” Alex sighed “I guess that should’ve been the first giveaway”

“Alex” Kyle waited for him to open his eyes so he could look at him directly. “I’m  _ really  _ sorry you got hurt”

“I… I believe you” Alex said before looking away “but I think I just wanna be alone right now”

He couldn’t say he blamed him. Hopefully he was doing the right thing as he nodded his head then quietly slipped from the room. Kyle pulled the door closed behind him but paused in the hallway. A moment later he heard a sob but he couldn’t go back in there. He was responsible, in part, for this but he knew Alex didn’t want him to witness this. He waited a few more minutes before very quietly shuffling off to his own room.

Once there, he texted both Sanchez and Parker but neither replied until he told them Alex had shown up to report them to the Sheriff. They were quick to apologize to him from fear of legal trouble. Kyle really wanted them to pay for what they’d done but he’d laid the groundwork and given them an in. If they were to be punished then he should be too.

Kyle moved to the living room, intending to wait up for his father but he fell asleep on the couch and was roughly shaken awake around 5-am when Jim was confused to find him on the couch.

His eyes immediately filled with tears as he remembered how badly Alex had been beaten. The entire story came spewing from his mouth and he watched as his father’s face see-sawed between pain, anger, guilt and vengeance. Despite his attempts to apologize, his father simply asked where Alex was.

Jim moved with determination and Kyle followed but when they reached the guest room, Jim went inside and closed the door in Kyle’s face. When Kyle tried to open it, he found the door locked. His heart dropped again. He hoped his father wouldn’t be angry at him, Kyle had only been doing what his father had asked him to do, boost Alex’s confidence. It wasn’t  _ his  _ fault his team mates had acted out and physically hurt Alex.

He stayed outside the locked door for a long, long time until the sun finally peaked through the window and he knew he needed to get to school. Kyle didn’t want to leave until he could talk to Alex or his father but the door remained closed. He finally had to surrender, at least at school he could confront those who’d hurt Alex.

But when he eventually found his team mates, each and every one of them denied any knowledge of the attack. Alex didn’t show up at school that day either. Kyle went to his house after school to talk to him but was given the brush off. Alex specifically told him to never speak of it again. He thanked Kyle for taking him in and helping him but insisted he just wanted to forget.

Kyle offered to buy Alex a new phone to replace the stolen one but Alex shrugged that off too, saying he’d already gotten a replacement. He even showed it to Kyle who didn’t think twice about it until that night when he found the empty box for Alex’s new phone in the garbage of his father’s office. 

He didn’t understand why Alex and his father were trying so hard not to let Alex’s father know what had happened. He even considered telling the officer himself. Jesse was stern but he’d always been nice to Kyle and surely he needed to know Alex had gotten hurt…?

But Kyle didn’t go to Jesse Manes because he wasn’t brave enough to tell him what  _ he’d  _ done in the first place. Jesse may be nice to him but not if he found out Kyle was encouraging Alex to be… different.

A few weeks passed and the town became distracted by the tragic deaths of Rosa, Jasmine and Kate. 

Kyle graduated high school and went out into the world. It wasn’t long before he completely forgot about that night and his involvement. He heard Alex joined the military but their paths never crossed again. 

Until six years later when he was mourning his father’s death, had returned to his childhood home for the wake and needed a moment alone. Kyle hadn’t wanted to hide in his bedroom, it was too obvious, so he decided to take refuge in the guest bedroom but when he opened the door and ducked inside, he turned around to find he wasn’t alone.

**##**##**

Alex hadn’t been in this room or this house in years. It felt strange being back, could feel many pairs of eyes watching him, he became paranoid they were judging him for being here. He’d done his best to avoid making even eye contact with Kyle or his mother but he wasn’t ready to leave just yet. He knew he  _ should  _ go but he didn’t really feel like he’d said goodbye yet.

The room was crowded so he didn’t have any trouble sneaking around and up to the guest room. Alex stepped inside and closed the door, leaned back against it and drew a long breath.

Some days it didn’t feel like it had been so long ago but six years  _ was  _ a long time when you were in the Air Force. He often went months at a time with no contact with anyone from back home. It sometimes felt like the moment he left town, the entire town forgot about him. 

Liz had dropped off the face of the Earth and Maria, bless her, she  _ tried  _ to keep in touch but her hands were full because of her mother’s deteriorating condition.

For the first year he was away, Maria and Jim were the only people who reached out to him. Maria out of love, Jim because of… 

Alex pushed away from the door and moved about the small room. The furniture was all the same, everything was the same as he remembered it. He’d spent hours in this room after being humiliated then beaten. Jim had tried to help, had even replaced his stolen phone but that didn’t erase what had happened.

He remembered the pain, the anger, the embarrassment he’d felt as he’d yelled at Jim after Kyle had left for school. They’d had to wait for him to go before Alex was allowed to really spill his anger. He hadn’t wanted to believe Jim would hurt him like that; that he’d  _ paid  _ Kyle to humiliate him.

Jim had apologized. They’d both shed tears. Jim had hugged him, told him he was so very sorry and had never meant to hurt him. Alex had been furious and hadn’t wanted to forgive him.

Alex moved towards the bed and sank down onto the mattress. He reached for the pillow and hugged it to his chest, buried his face in it. Tears filled his eyes when he realized it smelt like Jim. No doubt he’d been sleeping in this room since Kyle had left for school and neither of his parents had wanted to tell him.

He was clutching the pillow when the door opened and someone ducked inside, slammed the door closed behind them. Alex didn’t say a word as he stared at Kyle’s trembling body. He sat very still, silently watching, until Kyle turned around and they both looked at each other through tear filled eyes.

In that very moment they were both ten years old and both realizing they’d never see Jim Valenti ever again. Alex put the pillow aside and started to get to his feet as Kyle moved towards him. He was moving on pure momentum and he slammed into Alex, wrapped his arms around him as Alex enveloped him in strong hug. Tears streamed down both their faces as they clung to each other and cried.

Alex realized that Kyle probably hadn’t allowed himself the chance to grieve like this. He’d always been a hard-ass, too scared to show weakness. But they’d been childhood friends and Alex knew how much Kyle had loved and admired his father.

They both sank down onto the bed, still holding each other tightly.

“You came” Kyle’s voice was muffled by Alex’s shoulder. “You’re here”

“Of course” Alex replied. His own voice choked up.

“I miss him so much”

“I miss him too”

Kyle held Alex tightly in his embrace, much tighter than he expected him to but Alex didn’t attempt to pull away. They clung to each other until their tears finally subsided and they slowly released their hold. 

“It’s been a long time,” Alex said to him.

“Yeah” Kyle agreed. He reached up and wiped his eyes. “You’re an Army guy now?”

“Yeah… and you’re a Doctor… Plans to be a surgeon, right?”

“Uh huh but how do you know that?”

Alex swallowed, nervously.

“Your dad, obviously” he stated.

“You uh you still saw him? Talked to him?” Kyle frowned.

“Uh yeah; a few times, here and there”

“Huh… he uh he never said anything”

“Did you ever ask?”

“Well… No”

Alex nodded in understanding as he looked down at his hands. He hadn’t anticipated being alone with Kyle; he’d just come to pay his respects and say goodbye to Jim. Being around Kyle probably wasn’t a good idea. It wasn’t like they had anything in common anymore or anything to talk about.

“Do you remember that night you got beat up and came here?” Kyle asked the one question Alex hadn’t wanted him to.

“Uh yeah” he shifted somewhat uncomfortably on the bed “that uh that was a while ago”

“You didn’t show up at school that day”

“Well I uh didn’t… didn’t want anyone to see”

Kyle climbed to his feet and moved over to the window; peered out as more people stalked up the front yard to pay their respects. He stared down without really seeing them.

“Why did you  _ really  _ come here that night?” Kyle asked

“What?”

“You came here looking for my dad”

“Well, he was the Sheriff and-”

“So why not go to the station and report it? I mean, those guys were jerks and you were essentially the victim of a hate crime”

“And your dad… learned that when he got home”

“But the station was closer to the library then here… You chose to come here instead”

“Why all the questions, Kyle?” Alex pressed, determined not to answer.

“Alex-”

“I wasn’t close to my dad, okay? I’m still not… I wasn’t the perfect little soldier and that’s all he wanted, an army of perfect soldiers… But Jim… uh…  _ your dad  _ didn’t care about that. He saw me for who I was, not what other people wanted me to be”

“I’m… glad he kept in touch then”

“You know he came to see me after basic training?”

“He did?”

Kyle finally turned around to look at Alex who was smiling at a memory.

“Yeah” Alex continued. “We drove across state lines to go to a punk emo concert… He was so out of his comfort zone but he didn’t  _ care. _ He just wanted to do something nice for me”

“My dad really cared about you, Alex. And that’s why I did what I did… the instant messages at school. He wanted you to… connect with someone”

“Yeah; I know”

Alex had screamed awful things at Jim over that admission. Looking back, he cringed at how badly he’d reacted to Jim’s good intentions. They’d both been reduced to tears several times that day.

“He… told me he was trying to make a point” Alex said very slowly. When he saw Kyle frowning, he continued. “I’d told him about this boy I liked who was straight and I was heartbroken, convinced I’d never meet anyone in this dead end town. I was  _ such _ an over dramatic teen… But he was always there to listen, you know?”

“Yeah” Kyle smiled.

“You uh probably don’t know but he took me fishing for my twenty first birthday” Alex stated.

“Fishing? Where?”

“His old hunting cabin; we took a boat out on the lake… didn’t catch a thing but that didn’t matter. It’s one of the best birthdays I ever celebrated”

“My dad really loved you, Alex” Kyle said as he reached for his hand.

“Yeah” Alex agreed, smiling through his tears. “And he was so proud of you, Kyle”

“Watching him… deteriorate like, that” Kyle said. “It was devastating… in the end, all he was spouting was nonsensical mumbling”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. A brain tumour is… not something I’d even wish upon my worst enemy”

“At least it was quick”

Alex brushed the tears from his eyes.

“I should probably head back out” Kyle said as he released Alex’s hand. “Lots of people who want to pay their respects and all”

“Yeah, of course”

“It uh really means a lot to me and my mom that you’re here, that you came… it would’ve meant a lot to him too, I mean, you were practically like a son to him”

Kyle reached out and they shared an awkward hug but no other words were said. Alex pulled away and watched as Kyle crossed the room and slipped out the door. He sank back down on the bed, staring at the closed door and thinking on Kyle’s words as tears continued to brim in his eyes.

“I was never like a son” Alex whispered to himself. “It was so much more than that”

**##**##**

Kyle’s head was spinning with all the new information he had learned about his father in such a short amount of time. It was one thing to learn your father had problems with alcohol and a habit of cheating on your mother but an illegitimate daughter? 

He’d grown up thinking his father and Alex’s father were friends but from his mother’s admittance, perhaps that hadn’t been the case.

He paused on the front stoop of the old hunting cabin. This cabin that had belonged to his grandfather which he’d expected to inherit one day had been left to  _ Alex _ ? Of course he didn’t begrudge Alex a safe place to go, especially not after what he’d learned about Alex’s childhood… there was so much he’d been blind to as a child and a teen… but there was  _ more _ ; he was certain of it. He’d always believed his father had a good heart but leaving this cabin to someone who wasn’t family… it just didn’t seem right.

Kyle turned on his heel, his own words to Alex repeating in his head. ‘He would’ve never thought that about you; you’re the bravest person I know’. 

He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath before slowly releasing it in a bid to calm himself. It didn’t work so he tried again. By the third attempt, he gave up and simply marched right up to the front door, didn’t bother to knock since only minutes had passed since he’d left and he threw the door open, Alex was still sitting on the couch but Kyle could see the tears in his eyes.

The site filled him with anger but he didn’t know why.

“Were you his too?” Kyle demanded.

Alex’s head shot up and he stared at Kyle, gobsmacked. 

“ _ What _ ?” Alex gasped in shock.

“My dad; he cheated on my mom… a lot! Rosa was his, are you his too?”

“Kyle!”

“It’s true, isn’t it? It’s why he” Kyle could feel hot tears forming in his eyes. “Why he left  _ you  _ this cabin; why he and your dad had such a strained friendship; why my dad cared so much about you and why you always relied on him… why he still visited you after basic training… why he brought you  _ here  _ for your birthday!”

“Kyle” Alex slowly got to his feet. “Your father didn’t sleep with my mother,” he insisted. 

“Then why-?”

“Walk away, Kyle. You came here for answers and you got them. Don’t go looking for any more trouble”

“Trouble? Was my dad in trouble?”

“Kyle, please? Just walk away”

“ _ Alex _ ! Why was my dad  _ so nice  _ to you?”

“I told  _ you _ , he was a father to any and every kid who needed one”

He’d known Alex a long time; he knew from his tone that he didn’t want Kyle to push this any further. Maybe he was poking a bear, about to unleash something he couldn’t undo but he  _ needed  _ to know. The questions were milling about in his mind and he had to have answers.

“I saw the way you reacted when I said my dad had an affair with Rosa” Kyle continued. “The look on your face-”

“Well, it wasn’t true, was it? I was right about that”

“It was more than that, Alex, you took it personally”

“Your father would  _ never _ take advantage of a teenager”

Kyle folded his arms across his chest.

“ _ I know that _ ” he insisted.

“Do you? Because you came here thinking he’d had an affair with a nineteen year old girl” Alex replied. “You clearly believed it”

“The evidence-”

“Was slim at best”

“Why are you defending him so strongly?” Kyle pressed “why did he  _ really _ leave you this place?”

“Kyle, do you  _ really  _ want to know?” 

“Alex, if you respected my dad  _ at all  _ you’ll tell me the truth”

An odd silence fell between them as Alex slowly looked up and met his eyes with a hard stare. A small exasperated sigh passed Alex’s lips.

“I don’t owe you shit, Kyle” Alex hissed. “What happened between me and Jim is just that, between me and him”

Kyle’s eyes glazed over as he felt himself fill with anger.

“You and him” he repeated through gritted teeth. “There was a  _ you and him _ ? Because he… looked out for you when your dad was being hard”

“Kyle, I was in love with him” Alex stated. “I loved him... and he loved me”

“Like a father and a son” Kyle added “he was the father you wanted but didn’t have”

“No; there was nothing paternal about his feelings for me”

“No!” Kyle yelled. “My dad  _ did not  _ have feelings for you!”

“He did!” Alex’s eyes filled with tears. “I know he did because he told me... he told me he loved me every time we were together”

“No!” Kyle’s teeth were still gritted as tears formed in his own eyes. “No! You said… he  _ wouldn’t _ … not with a teenager!”

“I know, that’s why I know he wouldn’t” Alex replied “because I tried… I practically threw myself at him and he rejected me… said it was wrong and I was too young… don’t you get it, it’s why he had you… catfish me… He was trying to push me away; that’s why I went to your house that night… I wanted him to see me… see me beaten and bloody and bruised and  _ hurt _ ! I wanted him to see what happened when I followed his advice…  _ he  _ was the one who told me to give this mystery boy a chance;  _ he  _ was the one who caused it not you… I know why you did what you did, for him… you didn’t know. How could you? After you left for school, I yelled at him and I cried” he wiped angry tears from his eyes “and Jim cried, he apologized, he begged me to forgive him… he bought me a new phone, tried to buy my forgiveness… but I still loved him”

Kyle opened and closed his mouth, unable to form any words.

“Then he sent me away” Alex continued his tale. “And I was furious, upset, hurt, lonely… So I found someone else; someone my own age and my father caught us together… and being the… glutton for punishment I was… I  _ went back to Jim _ . To show him that no matter what I did, no matter who I tried to love, I was destined to get hurt”

“Alex-”

“Then Rosa, Jasmine and Kate died in that accident” Alex said “and  _ everything  _ changed. We graduated, we all left town and went our separate ways. I tried to move on, tried to forget how I felt about him but I couldn’t. Then, one day, he showed up where I was stationed and told me he was sorry. That if he could change things he would… that was the night he took me to that concert I told you about and afterwards, he kissed me”

“I don’t want to hear-”

“Kyle, that’s what helped me survive those first few years in the Air Force. Jim’s love and support and belief in me and my abilities. He came to see me every chance he got, wrote to me all the time, called me whenever he could. I told my friends he was my Uncle and no one questioned it. I got back from my first deployment in Afghanistan a week before my twenty first birthday. I wrote and told him I was coming home, that was when he brought me here instead and we celebrated my birthday together. He told me he loved me and that he was proud of me”

“Alex-”

“I left right after the funeral so it wasn’t until I got back from Iraq that I found out he’d left this place to me” Alex added. “He promised he’d always have my back, would always try his best to protect me… so he gave me a safe place to go… and I’ll never be able to repay him or thank him”

“I came here to prove my father wasn’t a sleazy pervert and you just confirmed it”

“Kyle, your father wasn’t-”

“Instead of hitting on a drugged up teenage girl, he was preying on a confused gay kid!”

“He didn’t-”

“All those nights spent here as kids… did he hit on you then? Was he grooming you at a young age? How often did he touch you inappropriately?”

“Are you even hearing yourself right now?” Alex hissed. “Jim Valenti was a  _ great man _ and you have no idea what you’re saying”

Angry tears were spilling down Kyle’s cheeks.

“How could you do something like that?” He asked. “To me? To my mom? She treated you like a son and this is how you repay her?”

“I loved him, Kyle” Alex insisted “and love makes you do stupid, reckless things”

“Like throwing away a childhood friendship?”

“You did that, not me… you’re the one who turned on me for being gay. And Jim was the one who embraced me. When you didn’t want to know me anymore  _ he did _ ”

“You  _ really are  _ the bravest person I know” Kyle stated. “I guess I should say I hope the memories were worth it”

Kyle turned, opened the door and stepped outside. Tears still streaming down his cheeks as he ran for his car. He still had questions but he wasn’t in the right head space for answers. He’d already had a lot to process before opening  _ that  _ can of worms.  He climbed into his car and stared at the cabin. So many happy childhood memories that just felt cold now. Had he really not known his father at all? He closed his eyes but all he could picture was the man and Alex together and it made him feel sick to the stomach.

He hoped to one day be able to come back here and not want to set fire to the place. He hoped to one day be able to look at Alex and not imagine his father touching him inappropriately or worse kissing him.

Jesse Manes had warned him that aliens were a threat to their way of life but maybe aliens weren’t the only thing he needed to fear. What if there was no coming back from this? Had he lost his father all over again? Was he about to lose any chance of salvaging his long ruined friendship with Alex? Did he even  _ want  _ to salvage it now?

He couldn’t talk about this to  _ anyone _ . Especially not his mother. He wasn’t going to burden Liz either for she had enough on her plate right now. For the first time, he realized just how scared and alone Alex must have felt all those years ago… when he’d had no one but Jim to go to. Kyle didn’t have Jim, he didn’t have anyone. He was alone with the knowledge of everything he’d just learned and all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry.

But he wasn’t a quitter. Kyle was a man of action and there was still questions that needed to be answered. He wasn’t going to give up until he knew the truth.

He started the car and watched as the cabin drew further and further away. The tears were still stinging his eyes, stomach still twisted in knots. He hoped there was a way back from this for their strained friendship. He really hoped.

**Author's Note:**

> Extra Warnings in Place for:
> 
> * Non-Graphic (but possibly triggering) Gay Bashing
> 
> * Heavily implied but not graphic depiction of a relationship between an older man with a younger man though the younger is NOT a minor at the time of the relationship


End file.
